where can i be a hermit?

i say im fine with it.that really, i dont mind.because we can still be friends even if we have significant others.but really, we both know that is utter shit.there is no way we could be “best friends” as of now with all of our history.i love you, and i have feelings for you that i cant turn off.it doesnt hurt my feelings until i stalk you on twitter and see her tweeting about you and you favoriting it. knowing that you’ve kissed another girl bugs me, no lie. but hey, ive kissed another guy too. so why couldnt you be movin on as well? except im not exactly moved on. and it fucking blows dude. it just does.this whole shit is just annoying. i know that i cant have you not in my life, id miss you too much. but having you in my life, on my twitter, but not in my phone, its not helping me at all.im trying to get past it but hey.i end up getting past it with your best friend.claps for addie.fuck this shit.im gunna be a hermit.


people say it’s not worth it.it probably isnt.it’ll be uber difficult most likley.the transition.but i want to do it.after i tell you,the ball is in your court.will you take me in your arms and ask me to be yours? or will you turn around and walk away and leave our friendship while you go onto bigger and better things? im hoping for the first one but i am not optimistic in this situation.its up to you, but i have to tell you first.

because this is the only place left that i can talk about this..cause she got a twitter lol

one of my best friends is in love.with an asshole.a huuuge asshole.an asshole who says “sure we can be friends again, but dont tell anyone.and dont talk about me to your other friends.and dont et it be known that we have any contact whatsoever”. like seriously? wtf.he is controlling her life and her happiness and she wont listen to me.she asks me “what would you do in this situation?” and i say honey,it never would have gotten this far if it was me.but thats not good enough for her.she wants to know if she should text him,what he would say,why he’s not talking to her,why she cant be happy, why he doesnt want to talk to her, why he isnt being nice.it takes everything i have to not say SHUTUPP.i dont understand why she cant move on. i know she loves him, i understand that.but she should know its an unhealthy relationship and she neeeeds to let him go.no matter how much it will hurt her now, it will be soo much better for her in the long run. when she goes off to college next year im not going to be around to drive to her hous and hold her when she cries and she isnt going to tell her room mates about this.she is gunna be mopey and depressing until he talks to her and no one is gunna want to hang out with her.and she cant have no asshole and no friends near bye.she wont last.it’ll break her. AND ANOTHER THING.she said that once they were “friends” again that she wouldnt let herself get hurt again.yeah well..bullshit.i knew it was coming and i am holding back my “i told you so”. so youre welcome for putting up with you and restraining as much as i do.i love you, but really.youre basically choosing him over me.and he doesnt deserve to have that much control over you.so….get over it.go to an island with no cell service.go on a hike.go to the gymn whenever you wanna talk to him, youd be a fucking beast if you did that,but just stop.it’s bad for your health and my mental stability.

funny how things work out

annual blog tiimee! every once in awhile i just like to spill everything on my mind to my 4 followers..ahahaha

i was just reading my past 7 posts and i realized in one of them, im hatin on a guy.and guy that i thought i would never talk to again after we switched seats in math class.a guy who was an ass to me for no reason.a guy who was incredibly charming and extremly funny but that was all he had goin for him.and now,a year later, a guy who is my best friend.but in a weird way.now he’s a guy i can’t go one day without talking to.a guy who challenges me to be a smarter person.a guy who shares his puppy with me.a guy who i can have some of the most random conversations with for hours on end.a guy who is there for me always when i can’t bring myself to tell my best friends something.i dont know why.i dont know how.i dont even know what.but he’s something.and it’s probably more then just a best friend.and since he’s a smart cookie and probably going out of state for college next year, he’s a guy who is going to live far away for an extended period of time.he’s a guy i’ll miss.


so lately ive been thinking about college.and its weird.like really weird.im not even 18 yet.i just found out that since i signed up for the triple dorm, ill be in a bedroom with 3 girls, a bunk bed,and three desks.and then across the halls is a double dorm,and we share a living room.hm.i really hope i get along with room mates.cause if i dont i wont like anything about my college experience i have an inkling.i want to be able to decorate things and make everything cute, not plain or ugly.ccause thats just not the business.i hope that ill be able to pay for everything.i hope i can keep a job.i hope i can not get fat.i hope a make new friends.i hope i dont forget my old friends.i hope i am successful.

germsssss :P

dang.been forever since ive been on this beezy…but im in a spill my guts mood and i dont wanna do homework so here we go!!

boys are assholes.like all of them.the ones that arnt your best friends are just assholes.gaahhhh.recent experiences taught that.puurtyy good rightttt?:) not.freaking lame.he gets me to like him with all his f-bomb charm and winky faces and then he “honestly dosnt know” how he feels about me.well to you my friend,i say,fuck you! :) you saved my life with those cough drops today and your funny in math class but after we get new seats and i dont sit an inch away from you anymore, ill prob never talk to you again in my lifeeeee.which is actually kinda sad now that i think about it…dang.depressed now.cool.

on a happier note some bitch parked in my friends spot today and he spit on her car.like a lugie.lmfaooo.i couldnt stop laughing and it totally made me day.and i think ive been a little bipolar today.like super duper.mayn now i feel like asshole mentioned in the first paragraph :P well i dont do it all the time..i think..so its all good!

i have the right to be a beezy to him and everyone knows it except for him of course.but its all good i got him sick too! :D

i died in a car crash

so this year for performance company holly introduced us to a song.called i died in a car crash.when i first heard it i was freaked out and stopped listening to it after a few seconds.a few days ago a found out that my uncles cancer is probably not going to get better.so i went back to dance classes and holly told me her vision.the dance will be about getting through the mourning process after someone dies.i went back today and listened to the song.it has an entirley different meaning now.i dont know if i will be able to do the dance if my uncle really does die soon.but if he does(which im praying he does not) i hope he helps me through the greiving process and the dance.i dedicate all my sweat and tears that will go into that dance to him.i love you uncle david <3  

;D <3 

so i just get back from my best friend clarizzas house having a random hangout with sonic and taco bell.i show her the boy tht i met and i hope he adds me on fb(pathetic i know) i get home exactly 5 mins before curfew and i get in my pjs.i get on fb and hey.guess what! he added me :) and posted something on my wall.it was just one word but it made me smile.im in such a good mood right now nothing can bring me down!!! so bring it on biioottcchh!!!! :DDDDDDDD bwahahahahahahahahahahah

skate park!

so last night.me and kaci and leanne are walking to the skate park.we wanted to take pictures in an empty skate park.(leanne is gunna be a photographer)so we get there and its totally not empty -_- so we walk over to the dolphin statue and sit and talk and dance and sing.then these like twelve year olds come over and say "hey you girls blaze?" were like uhhh no! you shouldnt either shorty.they didnt like that…so they left.then we got check out the skate park and its empty! so we get our glo sticks and throw them up to the top and then we run up the very steep ramp and just sit there.then we tries to take a picture about a bazillion times and the dumb timer wouldnt work and it was all my fault lmao then a car drives by.with hot boys in it.so they say "hey girls!" of course we say hayyy! and then they comment on our glo sticks, and one of them asks if weve ever been to a motel.the driver starts laughing so hard he spits out his drink all over the car lmfao.then they ask if we wanna go and smoke hooka with them.we again refuse the drugs!! lmao but they were super cute and we wanted them to come back lol but they didnt…but we left our glo stick on the top of the ramp :) and tht was my good night!

soo im on vacation…imnot feelin the whole blogging thing….but i heard danny and larry were in town and got in the mood to blog…all i gotta say is….shit. im not gonna go outside for a week just in case they might see me lmao